we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
