you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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