My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
