Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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