I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
