Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's blow job season.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
