Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
