Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
