I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dont even know how to be here
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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