Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
