U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
