yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
