so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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