Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize