last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
