You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
