it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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