He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
