Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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