new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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