I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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