I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
