I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
where does the pee come out of this thing
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
