Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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