but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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