im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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