Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize