if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
