he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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