I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
