god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
