There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize