Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
