HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
