three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
