So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
