We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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