I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
