seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
