were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
