if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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