You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
