what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
