after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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