how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
