Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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