it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize