I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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