I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
