He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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