so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
