i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
