My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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