Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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