smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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