I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
