so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
