I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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