i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize