Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
