bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
