watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
