Someone shit on the floor
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sext me about skeletons
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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