My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Randomize
