I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
