remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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