okay pat passed out under dana's car
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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