About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
