I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize