Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
