i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
