I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
