absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
