Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
